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Quiet!

And smile!

How to Break the Ice and Meet New People

Tired of the same old opening lines? We've all heard them, and they can sometimes be a real turn-off. But since you never get a second chance to make a first impression, what's said in those first few moments is as significant as it often is tongue-tying.

If you're one who stumbles -- and falls -- during those initial moments when you're meeting someone new, you've come to the right place. And if you think you're a smooth operator who's known for witty opening lines, there may be something here for you to learn, too. Read on.

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Open by Asking Questions

This is a great way to start a conversation in almost any situation. You can use the weather, your situation, or a request you may have, such as asking for directions or assistance ("Is it always this hot in February?" or "Do you know the best route to downtown?")

Make a Comment

Break the ice by making a comment or statement, often followed by a question. This technique works especially well when you're with a group of people sharing a similar experience, such as waiting at the doctor's office, attending a gallery opening, or standing in line. The other day, I was standing in line at Barnes & Noble when I felt something in my eye. I immediately began tugging at my eyelashes, turned to the man next to me and remarked, "I've got something in my eye. Don't you hate it when that happens?" Because it's a common occurrence, it got the conversation going. (Plus, he gave me a terrific suggestion to ease my pain.)

You can also make comments about your surroundings ("I love the artwork in here. Do you know the artist?") Or, say something more personal ("I was just admiring your earrings. Did you buy them here?") By making statements about surroundings or events, you establish a common bond that readily and easily promotes dialog.

State an Opinion
This can be a little tricky, but also fun. Opinions work better in social situations like parties and sporting events. You can state an opinion about current events (there's plenty of fodder these days), work, the weather, or where you are at the present moment. You can talk about a movie, TV show, restaurant, or book.

You can even use this technique in the grocery store, when you're by the produce or looking at those outrageous magazine headlines. Just tread lightly on this one. One time I told the woman next to me in a restaurant, "Wow, that girl's hair looks like she just got out of bed," to which the woman replied, "That's my daughter." We both laughed about it, so it turned out well, but all the same, it shows that certain opinions can be awkward. Picking a more neutral topic is safer and less likely to get you into a sticky situation.

Share a Fact
Yes, Cliff Claven really was on to something here -- he just took it to extremes. Facts are entertaining and interesting and can be great ways to break the ice at social and business events. You can use anything and everything from the weather ("I hear today is going to be a record-breaker!") to things about your city ("We're famous for our barbecue sauce") to current events ("CNN has come out with a new format"). Little tidbits can be intriguing and a good way to get the banter going. Make sure you know your facts, however, or else someone could correct you, which could be embarrassing. Unless, of course, your intention is to spark a conversation with a little bit of controversy!

Use a Clich
These are used so frequently because they're effective and because they usually work well. You can use them just about any time, at any place from nightclubs to parties to business functions. You can always make a joke of using a clich, such as "I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but do I know you from somewhere?" In all cases, be honest and sincere. The saying goes that what you say isn't as important as how you say it.

Be Wry and Witty
If you're the type that uses humor well, then by all means, employ your wit. This is best done when you're with your contemporaries in a social setting, like a volleyball game, barbecue, or even a volunteer activity, if it's appropriate. Delivery is essential on this, and so is knowing your audience. If you get a good feeling that the person will be receptive to your brand of humor, then go for it. Otherwise, rely on another technique that may be more successful.

Once the conversation gets going, you can interrelate more by gradually disclosing a little about yourself. This is best done in small doses, by asking and talking, asking, and talking. Avoid having one person monopolize the conversation, which can be as embarrassing as it is uncomfortable. And when things wrap up, use a polite close. If they go very well, have a way to get back in touch.

GinaMaria Jerome is a writer, consultant and trainer. For more meeting-people tips, check out her book, The Portable Pocket People Meeter: 50 Ways to Meet, Greet, and Communicate.

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com

How to Get Men to Approach You

Want to know a secret to attracting a wonderful man, ladies? Be seen in public in a joyful mood.

It sounds simple, doesn't it? But many single women have trouble attaining such a playful mood in public, and accomplishing it takes self-mastery and focused intent -- which will immediately put you in a category apart from all others.

A happy and spontaneous woman who's obviously in a leisure moment, and not too occupied to pay attention to social overtures, is much more likely to receive attention than a woman who's rushing somewhere on a vital mission, head bowed in anxiety, face stiff with the fear of an unwanted approach. And most single women in public act as though they want to avoid what they actually wish would happen: that a man of Robert Redford-like charm would make intriguing small talk with them.

Feeling confident in public places widens the range of eligible men to whom a single woman will be exposed. And it lessens the chances of being approached by the truly predatory, who are more interested in the wounded, fearful, and anxious. Easier said than done? Nonsense.

First, identify a public place and turn it into your personal parlor. Find a place where you feel comfortable visiting with friends, eating a meal, or having a cappuccino and reading the paper . . . alone. Get to know the staff and management, and become a recognized and welcome customer.This need not be a bar. But it does need to:

  Be within easy walking distance from your home

  Be open as many hours a day as possible

  Have a social atmosphere congenial to you

  Have a friendly service staff

  Offer comfortable chairs where your feet reach the floor

  Have lighting soft enough to enhance your skin and strong enough to read by

It may be a cybercafe, or a neighborhood bar and grill that serves breakfast on the weekends, or a place where you can drop in for a double espresso and read the paper after Sunday grocery shopping. Perhaps it's a favorite restaurant where you can eat a snack or a full meal, depending on your mood.

Consciously make this place your hangout.Make this comfortable spot the place you have lunch with your girlfriend once a week, entertain clients, or meet new acquaintances for a drink or coffee.

Get to know the names of the service staff, and tip well, so that when you show up everyone recognizes you -- and they'll always note when you're talking to someone new. Become a favorite customer. In particular, get to know the bartenders and hostesses in such places because they are like the captains of the ship and watch everyone who comes and goes. You'll never fear being approached by a weird stranger once you feel surrounded by friends.

Although you can start frequenting such a place with someone else, make sure you also show up regularly by yourself.

If you're going to be seen with friends, make sure they are a delight, so that you laugh and smile frequently. If alone, make sure you look around you frequently and make eye contact with someone occasionally. If you cultivate the right place, it will feel like a home away from home. And you will notice who comes and goes. Feel free to relax and be receptive to eye contact and smiles from people you don't know . . . yet. Why not? You've created your own safe, public parlor.

Certainly, at first you'll probably have to consciously create the circumstances in which to relax in public. Then, you can expand and similarly create other public spaces in which you feel "at home" enough to receive attention from men. Say, you branch out to a local bistro where you can listen comfortably to jazz music on a Saturday evening. Remember, you're in charge, not the space, not the people around you. When you do this, your face will relax enough to invite an approach from a man who is assertive enough to make a small overture, and healthy enough to choose a confident woman with whom to do so.

I recommend that any single woman who wants to meet more men practice the discipline of socializing where she can give and receive mild flirtations without endangering herself or feeling anxiety. Think of it as a discipline, like meditating in public. Walk that razor's edge of being both relaxed and alert to the world around you, and you will never feel dis-empowered in a social situation. The end result? You'll meet a lot more of the kind of men you want to meet.

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com

4 Tips for Re-Entering the Dating Scene

If it’s been a while since your last foray on the dating scene, don’t panic. From joining online dating sites to taking classes in a new skill, there’s plenty you can do to gently ease your way back out there. Follow these easy tips.

1. Go online
Don’t fancy hanging out in bars? These days you can find yourself a date without leaving the comfort of your home. Mintel estimates that 5.2 million people in the UK are using online dating sites and, as thousands can testify, it really is possible to find love online. Plus, it takes the embarrassment out of asking someone out on a date. After all, they wouldn’t be on an online dating site if they weren’t keen to meet someone new.

2. Change your Routine
If you’ve been living alone for a while it’s easy to get stuck in a rut, especially if the thought of socialising sends shivers down your spine. See your single status as a chance for new experiences and discovery. Join clubs, go on group excursions and learn new skills and you’ll meet people with ease.

3. Prepare for potential challenges
Be aware that not all dating experiences will be blissful. “I had been divorced 8 years and said I would never marry again,” says Loretta who met her husband Mike on eHarmony. “After being on eHarmony for 6 months and not meeting anyone I wanted to date I was ready to give up! In December I received an email of a match, and when I opened it, Mikes profile just fit for me.” They married in 2008.

Dating takes a little effort and patience. If you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to take time out to work on your self-esteem and reassess what you’re looking for. You need to be optimistic and upbeat to find love.

4. Enjoy yourself!
While re-entering the dating scene might fill you with dread at first, it’s important to relax and enjoy new experiences. Don’t fixate on finding love straight away. Instead, see online dating sites as your chance to expand your circle of friends, not just find a partner. Be open-minded and you never know what might happen!

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com

Senior Dating: Strengths of Mature Singles

Think your accumulating years as a mature single are working against you? Think again.

The playwright George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young.” He meant that young people have everything going for them—good health, sharp minds, unbridled energy—but they fail to recognize and utilize all of their advantages.

To these thoughts, most mature senior singles would offer a hearty, “Amen!” After all, many people would admit that the dating process gets more complicated and challenging for those who see their youth receding in the rearview mirror. The older people get, the more “out of it” and left behind they feel in the pursuit of romance. “Dating is a young person’s game,” they say, “and that’s probably why I feel benched.”

Not so fast. If you ever start to think your years are stacking the odds against your romantic possibilities, it’s time to review the benefits that being senior bring:

You know yourself better now.
At the heart of wise dating is a clear understanding of who you are. You must know your needs, temperament, strengths and weaknesses before you can select a partner who will complement you. If you try to select Mr. or Miss Right before you figure out your own identity, you may end up with a fine person—but not the best match for you.

You are better equipped to assess potential partners.
How people present themselves often is not an accurate gauge of what’s going on inside. As senior daters, we become more skilled at figuring out what makes others tick. We look for clues about their true character and makeup. We watch for signs of emotional health, spiritual commitment, and sound decision-making.

You have a clearer sense of what matters.
By the time we’re well into adulthood, most of us understand that lasting love hinges on heart-and-soul qualities. Kindness, unselfishness, compassion, joyfulness—these are the qualities that enrich relationships over the long haul. We know that these internal characteristics are far more significant than external factors.

You have clarified your dreams and goals.
Life has a way of issuing us reality checks at regular intervals and making our dreams more realistic. Not that any dating senior should ever stop dreaming, envisioning, and aiming high. But as time goes by, seniors become more focused and clear-eyed. We release many of the things we might like to do and concentrate on what we feel called to do. That’s important because a great marriage includes two people whose goals and dreams overlap. As you have become more selective about the ambitions to pursue, you are better able to evaluate whether your goals complement those of your potential partner.

You have more realistic expectations.
Have you been roughed up by life and relationships? Those experiences, though painful at the time, have an upside: they provide valuable lessons and create a more reasonable, sensible view of love and marriage. Older singles know that any kind of romantic relationship, however wonderful, will have problems to work through. With maturity comes the acknowledgment that life is not a fairy tale or a romance novel. A long-term relationship can be fabulous, but it will never be flawless.

If you cringe at the thought of your years piling up, do yourself a huge favor: tune out the negative messages about age and focus instead on the advantages. Your years on earth have prepared you—now more than ever—for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com

Senior Dating and Dealing with Adult Children

For parents with adult children the scenario is a common one. You share that you’re finally dating and they stare with a look of terror. Is it fear? Jealousy? Appropriate Concern? We’ve put together a guide to help you deal with your children’s issue and find a loving relationship.

Raising children isn’t easy, but it’s usually one of life’s greatest blessings. If you can just make it through the terrible two’s, the confused tween years, the rebellious teen years, and the college debt, you’ll end up with a loving, hassle-free relationship to last the rest of your days – the conventional thinking goes. Certainly many parent-child relationships mature into a friendship of equals. Sometimes, however, grown children create a new set of issues trying to parent their parent, and nowhere does this create more problems than when the parent starts to date. 

This guide can help older daters get a better handle on their new romantic life and their adult children.

Understand Where your Children are Coming From.

If you’re dealing with a disapproving adult child, it always helps to understand where their concern is coming from.

a)   You are no longer with their mom/dad, and the thought of you in another relationship hurts them.

Perhaps you lost your spouse to an illness or your marriage ended in divorce. To your children, just the idea that you’re single and thinking about a new relationship can be depressing and hurtful. It is natural to idealize the relationship between your parents, and adult children often object to the “replacement” of their father or mother. In fact, some adult children will quietly endure a dating relationship and speak out only when a marriage proposal is revealed. The idea being that dating is one thing, but MARRIAGE feels like an official replacement of their parent. 

On a logical level this may not drive a child to say to you, “Mom, I don’t want you dating,” but their behavior may reveal a subconscious attempt to sabotage your efforts. They may come up with odd objections, or being unwilling to help you make the time and resources to date. 

The best remedy for this problem is a serious heart to heart about your needs. As hard as it may be to believe, many adult children don’t see their parents as real people — certainly not as human beings who need companionship, romantic love and sex. 

It may be hard to have this conversation, but it is vital. Sit down with your children and tell them that you understand their concerns. Tell them that the love of children and/or grandchildren can’t satisfy a person who needs love, romance, and companionship from a significant other. Help them understand that you’re more than their parent – you’re a person as well.

b)    You have a history of being abused or taken advantage of in relationships.

If your past relationships have a theme of abuse, your children are naturally going to be concerned about your new relationships. Their involvement may seem intrusive, but it’s easy enough for you to take their interest and use it as a helpful tool. After all, you don’t want to end up in an unpleasant relationship either. 

Abuse can take many forms – from physical and emotional to smooth con artists who specialize in stealing money. Tell your children that you appreciate their concern, and that you want to let them help, but you need to define how that help will present itself. In most cases, you can set your children at ease by explaining that you will be choosing your dates, and they will be meeting your dates within the first few weeks. After that meeting you and your children can talk about the new person and compare notes. You’ll be making the final decision, but it will be helpful to get a more objective opinion.

Even if you don’t have a history of abusive relationships, it is common for children to fear that their parents will be taken by a con person – (it isn’t just men anymore.). If it’s been many years since you’ve dated, it’s also important to understand that caution is vital when meeting new people. If a person asks you for money, no matter how good the reason, the chances are 99.9% that a swindle is in progress. 

Helping your children know that you appreciate this fact will set everyone at ease.

c)    They may want to protect you from more heartache.

To someone who is 35, a three-year relationship that ends in the death of a partner may seem like catastrophe. To someone who is 75, a three-year relationship that ends in the death of a partner may seem like a sad, sweet, life-affirming blessing and well worth the pain. If your children have watched you endure the death of a spouse, they may fear that your next relationship could end the same way. If you’ve been through a draining divorce, they may worry that your next relationship could end in similar pain and disappointment. 

It will be up to you to sit with your children and explain the different perspective that age brings. You’ll need to help them see that you accept the risk of some pain for the joy that you’re likely to get from a romantic relationship.

Don’t Feed Their Fear.

Do you remember the first time your child asked to take the car out on a Saturday night? Most parents are more than a little nervous and resort to quizzes: “What would you do if the car breaks down?”"What would you say if someone asked you for a ride?” The responses they get go a long way to assuage their fear.

Now, clearly you’re not a teenager trying to persuade your parents to let you have the car. But when it comes to managing your adult children and their fears, doing your homework and building some knowledge about the dating scene may be helpful.

Learn about the various online dating sites. Which ones have significant populations of older users? Do some thinking about the issues that older daters experience today. We’ve mentioned scam artists, but there are others: managing finances, dealing with a partner’s health issues, and understanding how your current health issues may affect your dating relationships – to name a few. The more you can speak to these with an informed opinion the easier it will be for everyone to see that you’ll do fine, no matter what happens.

Stand Your Ground and Enjoy the Ride.

After you’ve done all the listening and explaining that we’ve suggested above you’re eventually going to be left with the facts of the situation. Your children may completely get on board. They may grudgingly accept that you’re going to date. Of course, they could continue to voice objections and do everything they can to make it hard for you. In which case, you’re going to need to stand your ground.

Needless to say, you’re entitled to a love life. You deserve the love and fun that comes from having someone to share life with. Sometimes when you want something in this life, you have to go and get it. Join the online dating sites. Meet some interesting people, and hit the town. You’ll always want to give your children the chance to change their views – having their approval would be great. But in the meantime, keep your eyes and ears open and enjoy the ride.

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com

TIPS FOR SENIOR DATING:Nine Online Dating Myths for Seniors

When you’re considering moving in a new direction it can be hard to separate fact from fiction. Many seniors who are looking at online dating for the first time might be intimidated by the wealth of rumor and “fact” that floats around the web. This is a great opportunity to address some of the issues head on.

Online Dating is for Young People?
Never mind the fact that there are now dozens of online dating sites designed specifically for seniors. In the last five years, 55+ users have been the fastest growing demographic in all relationship-oriented sites. In terms of those who choose to use online dating as a tool, seniors are well-represented.

Computer Knowledge is a Necessity?
Computer knowledge is needed to use an online dating site in the same way that automotive knowledge is needed to drive a car. You can get to work just fine without knowing how to replace your car’s flywheel. There are a few basic tasks that need to be learned – uploading a photo, manipulating a mouse, reloading a browser. These can be mastered in minutes. The rest is simple point-and-click style interaction.

Online Dating is Unsafe?
Caution and common sense are important anytime you’re meeting new people. But it is easy to see how online dating can be safer than meeting someone at a church picnic. Many sites have identification verification options, and unlike a face-to-face introduction online you’ll be able to get to know the person in complete anonymity. In fact, you’ll be completely in charge of when you want to make yourself, and your contact information, known.

Online Dating Doesn’t Play to an Older Person’s Strengths?
If you haven’t ever used an online dating site, you may think the process is mystical, and the process that actually pairs you with other matches can be scientific and baffling. But once you begin communicating with your match, the process is only slightly different than what human beings have been doing for decades. You communicate – first through written messages, then through phone calls and lastly in person. In the end, it all comes down to you sitting across from a new person, talking and listening. Just the way it always has.

Online Daters are Shallow?
There are online dating sites for every conceivable human need and category. You won’t be surprised to know that there are hundreds of sites designed specifically to serve people who want more “casual” relationships. However, if that’s not what you want, you have many options as well. Sites, like eHarmony, exist solely to serve people who are interesting in substantial serious relationships. The good news is, since serious relationship sites are unlikely to be useful to those who are interested in more casual relationships, they tend to stay away.

Online Dating is Rampant with Scam Artists?
As an online problem, con artists are not limited to dating sites. In fact, almost any site that deals with money and/or introduces people have had issues dealing with scammers. In the online dating world, the scam almost always works the same. You meet a match, have some seemingly meaningful back and forth either online or on the phone and the person asks for money. Con men aren’t fools and they can be quite good at their jobs. They may ask for a loan to buy a plane ticket to come and see you. They may have a dog that needs emergency surgery after being hit by a car. It’s usually a “loan” and it often sounds reasonable.

The best rule of thumb for dealing with scammers is this. If a person that you meet online asks you for money, report it to the site where you met them and have no further communication with them. This may be harder than it sounds, because the scammer is going to be charming and attractive. They are going to be madly in love with you. It’s going to feel like you’re pushing away a relationship, but you’re only guarding your bank account.

Check out the largest senior dating site : seeksenior.com